2013

Here's to you. Here's to me. Here's to you and me.

Here I am at 11:50 PM on news years eve alone. 

Anthony is at work.

I can only think about one single thing. 

How much I love him.

This man is the only person on the planet that has the power to hurt me.

I tore my wall down for him.

I let him in.

He has my heart in his very fist to do with it as he pleases.

When we first started talking I was scared.

It took him 9 months to get me to let him in.

But I did it.

I gave him myself.

I am so happy I did but so very scared that he will chose to do bad with what I gave him.

I love him so much that every time he breathes kinda of funny I have a miniature heart attack. 

Every time he is a few minutes late home from work I freak out, I lose it mentally I become so terrified that he won't ever come back, my whole world shakes violently.

I do not know why I am so distant from everyone.

I suppose it had something to do with my childhood.

Most people would describe me as a cold person.

A person who doesn't care about anything.

This is not true, but to an extent it is.

I care about others but I do not care about their actions toward me.

No one can truly rock my boat, but Anthony.

I know this is choppy and doesn't flow but that is just because I am writing how I feel.

How I feel at this very minute.... scared.

Scared to death that the love of my life will leave me or be taken from me.

Everyday I pray for another day with him.

And I often find myself thanking and rejoicing in the lord for the minutes that we are able to spend together.

I know nothing lasts forever but here's to hoping it last a VERY long time.

Here's to you. Here's to me. Here's to you and me.

I love you, I want you forever, and I will do anything under the sun to be with you everyday for the rest of my life.

I will guard what we have with my life.