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Monday, February 25, 2013

A Letter to my Father

Dear Anwar,

You may be wondering why this is addressed "Dear Anwar", the reason is, I feel abandoned and like you no longer want to be my father, so why should I call you anything other than your name? I feel so hurt that you no longer call me or come to see me. You are were one of the most important people in my life. Now you don't even exist. I just do not understand what I did wrong. What is it that I did that was so bad that you had to banish me from the family? As small and dysfunctional as it may be it was still MY family. You never call me to see how I am doing or how Bear is doing. Since Bear was born (almost 2 months ago) you have only seen him one time and during that time you only held him for about 30 sec. than ran out the door to go home to your wife because she was calling you. Do you not care about the fact that WE are your family? Are we nothing to you? Or are you just so scared of your wife that you are bending over for her and not contacting us? What is it? I would really love to know.

I am also very hurt and upset that you would not help my family and I (which is also YOUR family) when we were stranded 30 miles away from home. We were standing outside by our car for 5 hours with our newborn baby and you could not even help us because you needed to "go home and relax". It is beyond me. You talk to me on the phone like we are best pals but then you refuse to help me, come over to see me, or even call me first. I am always the one who has to make the first call. If I do not call you I will not hear from you for weeks. What if I die? Ever think about that? How would you even know? You would not.

I heard from Raihan that you invited her to go the Strawberry Festival next weekend with you and the family. What about me? I want to come to, I want to spend time with my "family"! If you can invite her, why can't you invite me? I really don't understand your logic.

I am very remorseful when I say this, but I am currently in the process of letting you go. It is very apparent that you want nothing to do with me or my son. I am not going to continue to make an effort to be a part of the family and have you in our lives with you acting the way you are. This is not the way you treat the people you love.

I am very sorry that it has come to this but I do not know what else to do.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Bear only woke up one time last night!

Yay Bear! :] He went to sleep at around 9 PM and slept all the way to about 3:30AM drank about 5oz of milk, went back to sleep and then woke again at around 6:30 AM, drank more milk, went back to sleep and then woke for good at about 9 something! Normally he would wake at around 1 AM and then again at around 4 AM but not last night :] My sweet boy is growing up :O

I can see a full nights sleep in our future :] Seth did it at 3 months old I am thinking at this rate Bear will do it at about 3 months old as well.

On the schedule for today:
Cleaning up the house, homemade burritos for lunch, then my sister and her boyfriend are coming over and they are going to help us put together Bear's crib then we are planing to go out to eat.

Have a great Saturday!

Friday, February 22, 2013

Friday's Letters


Photobucket Dear Anthony, I love you once, I love you twice, I love you more than beans and rice! My love for you is still growing every single day. P.S. You better give me a Christmas wedding lol! :] And it must be on 12-13-14 because come one how cool would that be?!?! P.P.S you don't really have to do that I am 100% happy just being with you. Dear Bear, I can not wait til today to be over so I can come home and spend time with you all weekend long! I just loved how you cuddled me last night while I was sleeping! It was the cutest thing. I hate that I have to leave you and go to work and I hope one day that you will understand that I am doing it because I love you. Dear Charlie, I am glad you are finally home with us now. I do wish your daddy would give you a bath though because you stink like Fritos! I see you are becoming more and more attached to Bear these days. Sometimes I even think you think he is your baby! Dear Florida, Stop playing with me! I love that you are getting warm again like you should be but come on! quit it with the random cold days in between it's getting old. Dear apartment complex, I am beyond aggravated with the amount of time it takes you guys to get things done! You would think that since I am giving you over half my pay check every month I would at least get some quick service on things like fixing GIANT freaking holes in my wall (that you guys put there!). Dear Comcast Internet, I hate you. If I could get another service in my area that did not cost 3 arms and 25 legs I would dump you in a second. Unfortunately I am stuck with your awful service that gets outages unexpectedly when I am in the middle of looking for a recipe for glaze to put on my ham that is all ready sitting on the counter ready to go in the oven! Dear Blog, awesome things are coming to you! I am splitting you up into two and you are getting a little sister blog named "Bent O' Clock"! You make me so happy. Dear Goodbyn Box, I am sooo exited for you to come in the mail! eeek! I am about to jump out of my chair. I am so glad I got such a good deal too! There is no beating $14 with free shipping! Now the search for your larger more roomy brother is on! I am having a hard time finding one of those for sale for anything under $55 plus shipping! I have a feeling you and I are going to be the best of friends!

If You See Something Rolling Down the Street...

Thad'a be me! lol

I know I just had a baby less than 2 months ago but I still feel HUGE! Last time I was weighed was at 3 weeks postpartum and I was still at 121 lbs. Before I got pregnant I was 111 lbs so I need to lose at least 10 lbs to be back to my ideal weight.

TBH I feel like I am gaining weight :O I won't know for sure if I am until next week at my 6 week PP check up (because I don't own a scale). I really hope that I lost some amount of weight even if it was only 1 lb.

I can now fit into 2 pairs of my jeans (the two bigger pairs I own). But the rest you can forget about it! This really upsets me because I basically have all this clothes sitting in my closet and I cant even wear any of it. Not to mention I don't enjoy wearing the same pair of pants to work everyday either (eek hope no one noticed!). I refuse to buy bigger clothes because I am determined to lose those last 10 lbs!

Anthony thinks I am fine and says I don't need to but for some reason I feel like I do. I have always feared being fat, I know that sounds silly but it is true. I have never been fat, and I do not feel that I am fat right now, I just feel like I weigh more than I would like to.

I do not want to go on a diet. I hate the thought of restricting what I eat, because I love food and I love eating! I do however, think that I may have no choice but to go on a diet, because since Anthony moved in I am no longer walking to work everyday, so I am not exercising at all. Maybe Anthony will get a job forcing me to walk to work again lol.

I remember after Seth was born I didn't do anything to lose weight. I didn't exercise either. I gained more weight with him than I did with Bear as well. When Seth was about 2-3 months old I remember I still had some lbs to lose. I didn't take any pics with him because I felt fat in all the pics. With Bear I have a different outlook. I  feel fat and think I don't look like myself in the pictures, but I am still taking pictures with Bear because I feel it is important he has pictures with his whole family.

I heard it is way harder to lose baby weight the 2nd time, I am hoping this is not true. I do not remember when I was officially back to my pre-pregnancy weight with Seth but I know at around a year after he was born, I was at 99 lbs. I am ok with being 121 for a few months but if I do not see results by the time Bear is 6 months old I am taking some serious actions! In the mean time, I will try and cut back calories and watch what I eat to try and help the weight loss process (all though I am hoping it will happen naturally like after my 1st pregnancy).

Now for some pictures!

1 year after Seth was born (I had no belly stretch marks yet) I was about 105 here.

 A few months later I dropped to 99 as seen here. Oh what I would give to be that small again! lol

Pre-pregnancy weight I was actually 4 weeks in this pic but you can't tell yet. I was 111 lbs

1.5 months after Bear was born (eek stretch marks!) I think it looks like I'm still pregnant too. 121 lbs here

A shot of all the stretch marks I got from Bear.
 
UPDATE: At my 6 week appointment I found out I actually had gained 1.5 lbs! :O So I am not currently at 122.5 SIGH.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

It's Okay Thursday

Linking up today!
Its Ok Thursdays
Hey it's ok! Because I love Jesus and Jesus loves me and me and my family are SO blessed!
  1. That  my brand new washer is leaking everywhere
  2. That my carpet is now wet again after just being dried out from a flood less than a week earlier
  3. That my baby's swing ran out of batteries 4 days after we bought it
  4. That I have a giant hole in my apartment wall that the maintenance guys at my apartment have been saying they are going to fix for over a week
  5. That Anthony and I can not figure out how to assemble Bear's crib
  6. That my father refuses to help me when I need him just because he doesn't feel like it
  7. That I gained 1.5 lbs when I am trying to lose weight
  8. That last night's dinner got ruined 
  9. That the place Anthony and I were planing to buy a new mattress at went out of business right before we had the chance to buy one
  10. That my leg hurts
  11. That my baby boy is growing way to fast
  12. That I have to work tomorrow on a FRIDAY! (I normally have those off)
  13. That I really want to buy some Bento supplies but I am scared that if I do I will regret if because I will later need the money for something else
  14. That I am posting a #14 because #13 is unlucky and I have had WAY to much bad luck this week
  15. That I do not believe in luck and yet I keep talking about it like I do

7 Weeks Old!

My sweet baby is 7 weeks old today! I am going to skip all of the "I can't believe it" and "he is growing up so quick" because that is obvious. Instead let's just get to the sweet mile stones he has reached this week :]
Personality: Bear is becoming more fun to play with now! He likes to look at toys and I think he wants to grab them but still isn't that far yet. He likes bright colors and high pitched sounds. He loves it when we talk to him or sing him silly little songs. He is doing better these days and being less cranky, all though he does still have his bad days where he cries non-stop. He is starting to hold his head up a little more but still hates tummy time. He also can half way flip over when he is laid to his back. I think he prefers to sleep on his side because he normally likes to flip to his side when laid down on his back. He is smiling more and more everyday! He is also maintaining a lot of eye contact and loves to look at me and his daddy! When I say look I mean gaze. He gets so into it. We can feel his love beaming from his eyes. He still doesn't really like his bouncer or his carseat. He is getting better with the carseat though. As long as the car is moving he seems fine but if we stop for more than like 3 minutes he begins to cry. We got him a swing this week and he adores it! He will sit in there and swing happily for hours. This is the only way we can put him down and get a little break as he always wants to be held.
How I am adjusting: I am loving my baby boy more and more everyday! When I am at work and I look at at his pics I miss him greatly and just wish I was at home. When I am at home and I get upset I find that holding him and cuddling him makes me feel a ton better and helps me forget all about what I was upset over. I have heard people say this about their kids a ton of times but because I never formed a bond with Seth I could never relate. But I know now exactly what those people mean. Note how he is gazing up at me in the pic above! :] Oh how I just adore him!
Eating: Bear is basically eating the same about 6 oz every 3 hours. Every now and then he will take 7 or 6.5 at times he even only wants 5.

Growth: This little boy is growing! We took him to the doctor yesterday and he is now 10lbs 10oz! Wow! last time they weighed him he was a little over 7! He is now 21.5 in long as well so he grew 1.5 inches in just 3 short weeks! His head is measuring 15 in. Last time was at around 2 weeks old and it was only 10.5 in! My baby boy is getting so big!
Health: At the doctor they said he is all in good health. They did say he may have a little thrush so they gave us some meds as a precaution but other than that he is healthy as an ox! The doctor said he is even meeting his milestones great! We are so happy for his good health!
Looks: This cute little guy is quickly turning into a spitting image of his daddy! I don't think he looks anything like me anymore! We have a picture of Anthony when he was a baby and you can really see the resemblance there! I will post it sometime to share.
Sleeping: He is sleeping longer hours now. Typically he will sleep 4 hours a time so we are getting more of a break. He is sleeping in his bed a little better now but not as well as we would like. He also has yet to get a solid sleep schedule set up, something I deeply hope to find the time to work on!

Bad Luck

This past week it seems like the bad luck fairy attacked my family :O!

It all started on Valentines Day.

Thursday:
I wake up, start getting ready for work, make my lunch (a cute bento)... take pictures in the kitchen... decided I want to go into the spare bathroom to take pics for better lighting... walk past the A/C unit and hear dripping water. I went past it into the bathroom at first thinking that maybe it was just a little normal dripping. But as I stood there in the bathroom taking pics the dripping noise got louder and louder. I opened the A/C unit to find water dripping from an odd place, I could not really pin point where it was coming from. It started coming faster and faster. Ten minutes later the whole A/C cubby was flooded and the water was creeping toward the carpet! I quickly woke Anthony up and we called maintenance. They said they would be there ASAP. I was not able to go to work because Anthony is still not on my lease (they are taking FOREVER to get that done!) so I had to be there so they didn't say that he was living with me illegally, this way I could say he was just visiting. So I had to take the day off of work and I could not make it up on Friday because we had to go to Kissimmee to get our washer and dryer and Anthony's settlement check, so we lost a whole day's salary. Now back to the water, once the maintenance guy arrived the whole bathroom and kitchen were flooded too! Water was coming from the walls, the roof, and out the sockets. We thought maybe a pipe had burst or something. We were told that the person on top of us on the third floor had overflowed his toilet and then went to sleep, causing the water to come down through the second floor, and then down to us and pool there. Apparently we got the worst of it. It was so bad that the carpet sloshed when we walked. They eventually fixed the toilet and the water stopped. Then they came in ripped our carpet back and installed a really LOUD, annoying blower to dry the place and told us we could not use our lights over there or our A/C. So with all the water it was very hot and humid and muggy in our house. A few hours later they said that the wall was in danger of molding and they might have to tear it down! But before they decided if they were going to they were first going to try and dry it out. They cut a giant hole at the base of the wall and set up ANOTHER blower! At this point we had to scream at each other to hear when we wanted to talk. They left and said they would come back and test for the mold the next day.

Friday:
Friday was not that bad. We slept in and went to Kissimmee around 3PM. Anthony made it to the office to get his check with like 10 minutes to spare! We hung out at his mom's place for a few hours then we loaded up the washer and dryer and we all headed back to our house (including Charlie). On the way there we had the change oil light come one and we had to stop at a gas station for like an hour while Anthony and his brother tried to figure out what to do (they aren't so great with cars). We made it home, and put the washer and dryer in the living room temporarily because we needed to buy the vent tube for the dryer before we set it up.

Saturday:
On Saturday we went to get Anthony's taxes done. We were expecting around $2,400 but we only got $700 back because apparently he made so much money that the government decided he didn't need all his money back! How stupid and since when is $9 an hour a lot of money?! And get this! if Bear would have been born just THREE days earlier than he was Anthony could have claimed him and gotten back ALL of that $2,400 plus Bear's credit and we would have gotten almost $6,000! Oh how we needed that money so bad :[. But that's ok I still feel very blessed to have gotten the money that we did. So after we did our taxes we went to get the vent tube for the dryer and then to Wal-Mart to do a little shopping. We bought a blender, a knife set, a crib, a baby swing, and some other random things like a bark collar for Charlie (since he decided he was going to howl and bark every time we left the house). We took all our goodies home and decided to set them up! First we set up the swing, that seemed to go well Bear LOVES it! We decided to set up the crib the next day. We then tried to put the vent tube in the dryer and start doing some laundry! Let me just say.... that didn't go as planned either! First Anthony couldn't get the tube on the back of the dryer, but after about an hour of trying he got it. We moved the dryer into it's cubby and when we went to put the tube in the wall... it wouldn't fit. We had to bend the tube in the wall and try and try and try some more to get the vent tube to fit. After achieving one very bent up and mangled looking vent tube and a few hours later we decided to call Lowe's and ask if there was a bigger sized tube... their answer.... no. So back to trying. I decided to cut the now mangled tube to start fresh. We eventually got it about 3/4 of the way in the wall and decided that was good enough! After all this work I was much to beat to even think about doing laundry so I ended up putting it off until the next day.

Sunday:
We woke up Sunday morning to find that we were out of formula for Bear and our WIC checks were not going to be in until just today (Thursday). So we had to go back to Wal-Mart. While we were there we got some more stuff we needed like the mattress for bears bed, some food, and a high chair (which is still in the car 4 days later). We took all of our stuff home and cooked a little lunch. Everything seemed ok and I decided to do some laundry. I got all the clothes ready, took them over to the washer and went to turn it on... I turned it on and no water came out. So then we figured out that we were supposed to turn on the hoses in the back of the washer. When we did that water sprayed EVERYWHERE! like it was not screwed in correctly. But it was on there as tight as it would go. So we called Anthony's mom and she said the rubber piece inside it probably had fallen out during the move from Kissimmee. So back to Lowe's for us it was! We decided to wait til the next day to go out again, as it was Presidents day and I had the day off. I also went to the office to remind the maintenance people that they STILL had not removed the blowers from our apartment and we were VERY hot and wanted our A/C! Once reminded they did come down and remove the blowers and said we could turn on the a/c and that they would come and fix the wall the next day (Monday) because it passed the mold test so would not need to be torn down.

Monday:
Monday morning we started putting the crib together. Let me just say, these instructions were BAD! We got very confused and still have not been able to put it together. We are planing on trying again this weekend. After all the aggravation we decided to go to Lowe's and get the rubber for the washer. They were only a dollar so we lucked out there. Once we got home Anthony set it up. It seemed to be working fine. I started some laundry then headed to the kitchen to do some dishes. About ten minutes into the cycle the washer started making funky noises not like anything I had ever heard a washer make! It seemed to be working fine despite the odd noises so we did two loads of laundry (we have about 10 more we need to do). Meanwhile the wall still had a hole in it and no one had come to repair it or to clean my carpet like I was told they would do (what a surprise...not). The batteries to Bear's swing also burnt out on Monday not even a week after we bought them. So new we are looking into rechargeable batteries because we are not about to spend $10 every few days on batteries!

Tuesday:
Tuesday Bear had a doctor's appointment for his 1 month (late cuz he was almost 7 weeks) and to meet his new doctor. I went to work that morning and left early. Anthony woke up late for this and grabbed Bear a pair of PJ's that were too small. But we couldn't take him naked so we had to cram them on him, poor thing couldn't stretch his legs. We got lost on the way there and ended up being like 15 minutes late. They did not mind too much. In the lobby Bear peed and it leaked... stupid Huggies! Normally we use Pampers but we had some Huggies we got as a gift. We had to take all his clothes off and put him in a spare onesie that was in the diaper bag. The doctor seemed nice and everything went well. We then headed home for some lunch before we had to head out to Lake Wales (30 minutes from where we live) for my 6 week postpartum appointment. We left for that and got there okay. Once in the parking lot Anthony's mom called. We had just got there on time and instead of waiting for him to talk to her and making us late, I decided to go in alone and told him to meet me inside once he got done talking to his mom. A few minutes later he came in and sat down, and said "We have a problem". I figured it was something petty or stupid and was not initially worried and I was like ok what is it...? He said to me "I kinda locked the keys in the car".... all I could think was "OMG!" So here were were 30 miles from home at the doctor locked out of our car. Then he informed me that his phone only had 5% battery left. As if it couldn't get any worst! We had a spare key at home but would need a ride home to go get it. And who ever was going to drive us home would then have to take us back to Lake Wales to get the car. The keys to my house were also on the key ring in the car! So the only people that could help us were my dad or sister because they have spare keys to my apartment. My sister was still at work so I called my dad (all though I REALLY didn't want to). We talked for a few minutes then I told him what had happened and he said "No I can't help you I am just about to go home and relax"... so essentially he was not going to help me because he didn't feel like it! Here we are stranded with a new born baby and my own father would not even help us out. You have no idea how upsetting this was to me. So we then called my sister, she said that she had to go to tutoring after work but if we waited til she got done (three hours later) she would come and help us. That was great but we didn't want to wait that long. We told her ok and to come but in the meantime we walked to the gas station to look for a slim jim to try and break into the car. The gas station was like half a mile away and one of us had to carry a sleeping baby while the other carried the carseat and diaper bag so we were very sore and tired once we walked there and back. They had a slim jim and we went to the car and tried to break into it.... with no luck at all! We tried and tried and could not get in. Not to mention here we were trying to break into the car for like 45 minutes and NO ONE called the cops on us! Makes me think someone could really steal a car in broad daylight. It started to get dark so we went to Arby's that was near by and sat down for a snack while we waited for my sister. After about two hours of waiting our phone had died and we were getting worried. We asked a couple of people if we could borrow their phone and they all said no (people these days!). Finally we got the people at Arby's to charge our phone for a few minutes. We got it to 7% and called my sister. She had lost the keys to my apartment but found them and was now on her way. Once we got home Anthony could not find the spare key! He looked for about 45 minutes with no luck at all. He then decided to just call a locksmith. The locksmith met Anthony and my sister in Lake Wales and ended up charging us $70 (sigh). Turns out the spare key was in the car too!

Wednesday:
I woke up Wednesday morning to find that the carpet that was flooded in the flood on Valentines day 6 days earlier was now soaked again! After some investigating I figured out that the water had come from the washer. Good thing the maintenance guys didn't put the carpet back in place because they will need to come by and install another blower. So, now we can't even use our new washer because there is clearly something wrong with it so we will be returning it. Which unfortunately means we have to go all the way to Kissimmee to do so again. We were also told on Wednesday that they would be fixing our wall today (Thursday) my fingers are crossed that they actually keep their word this time.

PHEW! that's a lot of bad luck! All though I got very aggravated of the past week I have noticed that nothing has REALLY gotten to me. Anthony and I have remained happy the whole time. I am so thankful for Anthony he makes me so strong. I love him so so much. I don't think he will ever be able to grasp just how much he means to me.