Charlie's Story

Hello, my name is Charlie and this is my story.

I was born on November 28th 2009 in Lakeland, FL.

My doggie parents were both pure bred Dachshunds.

I had an awesome human family with a mom, a dad, a brother, and a sister too!

I even had 3 doggie siblings!

I loved to watch TV with my daddy and run around in my super cool fenced in back yard.

Sometimes I even sat around in ant beds and got all bit up.

That made me itchy, so my family put cream on my belly.

I thought it was yummy so I tried to lick it off.

But then my family put a sweater on so I couldn't lick it :[ 

I was a super happy dog.

Until one day my family got my sister a kitten for her Birthday.

That little kitten tore me up and fought with me every minute she could!

So my family put a big ol' sign in the front yard.

I don't know what it said cuz I can't read.

All I know is a few hours later I went to live with my new mommy and daddy.

I got into the car and took a really long ride with my new mommy.

When the ride was over we went into a different house and met my new daddy! 

I missed my old family but I LOVED my new family and still do!

They take me for walks and feed me lots of yummy food.

Daddy is my favorite. We always hang out.

We like to play video games together.

And he even used to let me sleep with him before he got that evil high bed that I can't jump into.

He never puts me in that doggie jail cage like my old family did either.

 When my daddy leaves I always cry.

I miss him so much and always wait by the door and watch out the window to see when he's coming home.

When he gets here I jump up and down and bark and smile and greet him.

I am always so happy to see him!

Lately my mommy and daddy have been putting this funky necklace on me! 

Not the kind of necklace you go for a walk with.

This one shocks me when I try to bark or howl because they are gone and I want them to come home.

I don't like this necklace.

Maybe they are mad at me for barking.

I am just sad that they left me at home alone.

Two months ago my mommy and daddy had a baby.

It's a boy named Bear and he's my new little brother!

I love my brother so much.

I always try to protect him.

I like to lay down next to him, although most of the time my mommy and daddy make me move.

When he cries I always hear him first and run to make sure he is okay.

Sometimes I am a bad doggie and I give him kisses.

I get in trouble for that, but I still do it because I love him!

Me and Bear are best friends.

We hang out all the time. (Well... when my mommy lets us)

I hope my new family keeps me forever and never gets a new kitten.

Maybe I will stop pooping on the carpet and covering it up with clothes just to make sure they don't want to replace me!.... NAH! They love me too much!

I can pretty much get away with anything.

I love my family.

My Miracle Baby

My miracle baby is 2 months old!

I truly do believe that this precious boy is a miracle straight from God.

In April of 2012 I missed my period. A few days went by... I didn't really think anything of it. I thought "Oh it is probably just late" then a week went by and still no signs of it. By a week and a half I was getting pretty nervous and thinking that I may be pregnant. I was working in another city near by where I live for that week only to help out another department of my job prepare for a big annual video awards event. This event is much like the Oscar's or the Emy's but for children that made videos at school in their school's TV program. On April 25, I recall being so anxious. I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin, I just HAD to know if I was pregnant. Across the street from the job site I was working at there was a Publix. So, on my break I ran over there to get a pregnancy test, well three to be exact. I also bought some candy because I didn't wanna look odd just going in there to get that one thing (I feel silly now for doing this). I went back to work and took one of the tests in the company bathroom. The results: positive.

My heart sunk a little at first. I was upset and scared. I was scared what it may do to the relationship between Anthony and I as we had only been together 3 months. Our relationship was strong and we loved each other very much but I was still scared not knowing how he would react. After the first initial fear I experienced I got exited about being pregnant. I was actually very thrilled. I felt so much joy. While I was still worried about how Anthony would react I knew in my heart that we would be okay in the end.

When I got home from work that day I took the other two tests and both came up positive as well. Later that day I called my sister and told her the news. She seemed kinda nervous about the situation but she reassured me that everything would be okay. I decided to tell Anthony in person rather than over the phone or by text. At the time we were living 45 minute away from each other and I was only able to see him once every week or sometimes every other week. It turned out the next day I was going to see him was the day after I found out. So I waited until then.

I went to Kissimmee the next day and Anthony and I hung out for a few hours and then it was time for him to go to work. I was not really looking for the right moment to tell him I was just looking for a moment when I knew I had his full attention and this happened to be right before he went to work. I told him I was pregnant and his initial reaction was not so great as well, I could tell he was scared and not sure what to do. We talked about it for a few minutes and then he went to work. When he came back he was back to his normal self. We did not talk about the pregnancy much after that until problems started arising.

I told him not to tell anyone but he told his mother the same day I told him. I was scared that something would go wrong and I did not want anyone to know about the baby until after I knew everything was okay as I had not been to the doctor yet to confirm the status of the baby.

I went home after spending a few days with Anthony. On Monday morning when I was getting ready for work, I got out of bed, and went to the bathroom. And in my underwear I found blood. It was not a lot of blood but it was enough to be scared over. I cried for the first time in a year. I sat there on the toilet and cried and cried. I pleaded with God begging him to let my baby be okay. This sweet baby that I was so scared over was now my number one desire. All I wanted was for my baby to be okay.

I called my boss and told her I could not go to work that day. I then took the bus to the hospital. I had to transfer three times and ride the bus over 45 minutes to get there but I was so relieved once I arrived. I just wanted to know some answers. I wanted so desperately to see my baby's heart beat.

When I got to the hospital they took me through triage and then put me in a room. The nurse came in and started an I.V. and asked me a bunch of questions. They then looked at my cervix. They said it was hard and closed like it should be. When you are having a miscarriage your cervix opens up. So that was a relief to me. they then came in to do an ultrasound to look at my baby. They looked and looked but could not find a baby or a sac. They concluded that it was too soon to see the baby. They knew I was pregnant because I had elevated HCG levels. They also said I had a UTI and a vaginal infection and gave me medicine to fix those. They said I was having a threatened miscarriage meaning that I could miscarry at any moment. They ordered me to bed rest until the bleeding stopped and told me to follow up with an OB.

I went home heartbroken. I knew my baby could be okay but being unsure and just waiting it out was killing me. All night and day I laid in bed and cried and prayed and prayed and cried. The bleeding just kept coming. Some days it would be lighter and others it would be heavier. I ended up taking about 4 days off of work and then going back to work because I could not afford to miss anymore. I missed the big Video Awards event and people were pretty let down by that, I felt bad but I knew I had no choice. And I was in no place emotionally to be going to an event like that.

I scheduled an appointment with my local Health Department to see an OB. The days went by like sap. I wanted to know if my baby was okay more than anything. It was all I could think about and was driving me up the wall crazy day and night. The next weekend I went to see Anthony again. I spent some time with him and all the while I was still bleeding. This was not a lot of blood just a really light flow that thickened here and there but stayed the same for the most part. My sister was going up to Gainseville for a friends graduation from UF, on the same day that I needed to go back home, so I decided to go with her then she would take me home afterwards.

We got in the car and headed on up toward Gainesville which was about 4 hours away. After a few hours we stopped at a little touristy place to go the the bathroom and look for something to eat. We decided to go somewhere else to eat because that place was too expensive. I did stop and use the bathroom however. I remember going into the bathroom thinking "please God let there be no blood" and when I pulled down my panties I found more blood than I had seen the since I started bleeding. It was the same amount I would get on a regular day of a period so it was a pretty good amount. I remember being so scared. I told my sister about this. She asked if I needed to go to the hospital. I told her I was not sure and that we should wait and see what happens.

We then left and headed for McDonald's. We went inside and she stood in the long line while I went to the bathroom to check on the blood. When I sat down on the toilet there was so much blood coming out of me it was like I was peeing blood. There was a lady in the stall next to me and I remember just wanting to burst out in hysterical tears but I held back and silently cried because I did not want her to hear and wonder what was going on.

I returned to my sister and told her we needed to go to the ER right away. I texted Anthony and told him I thought something was seriously wrong. Anthony had been very sick with a fever and strep throat and he was sleeping so he did not text back for a long while. My sister told her friend that we were not going to be able to make it to his graduation because we had to go to the hospital. We decided to go to the hospital in Gainesville because it was closer than going back the other way.

Once at the hospital they admitted me and did the whole triage routine and asked questions and all of that. We were waiting for HOURS to be seen. Once someone finally came they took me to the room where they did ultrasounds in. They checked my cervix and said it was closed but there was a lot of blood on it. They then did an ultra sound. A nurse did the first one and she saw nothing, no sac and no baby. She then called for a tech to get her opinion. The tech also saw nothing. They then called for a doctor the one that was on call in the ER. The doctor saw (and so did I) a little flicker that resembled cardiac activity. I remember seeing this and being so exited but still scared because she was unsure if it really was a heartbeat or not.She then decided to call in an OB to evaluate me. The OB came in and said that she saw the sac but she did not see the baby or the heartbeat inside. She also stated that the sac was VERY close to my left fallopian tube. It was not  in the tube but it was at the base of the tube. She had never seen anything like it in her whole career. She told me if left like that than if the baby survived he would grow up into the tube and my tube would burst and I could die. She said I would more than likely need to have my pregnancy surgically terminated right there in that hospital that night.

I was devastated. At that point I was still in shock however so it had not really all hit me what was going on. She told me she wanted to consult with the other doctors on her team before she did the surgery. She left and was gone for a while when she came back she told me she as well as the other four doctors on her team all agreed that I needed to have the surgery. They were telling me that they were going to kill my baby and that if they didn't he was going to die anyways and so would I. Since it was such a rare case however, they decided to consult with one last doctor: the hospital's best OB with the most experience. He was delivering a baby at the time so I had to wait a few hours to see him.

Once he got there he did one last ultrasound. He looked and looked. He found the sac but could not find the baby or the heartbeat. He concluded that the baby was NOT too close to the tube all though it was VERY close and decided against the surgery. Since his opinion meant more than all of theirs put together because he had so much experience they did not do the surgery. He also told me that my baby was not going to make it. He said "In my expert medical opinion this baby has no chance". That broke my heart in half. He was supposedly the best OB in all of Gainesville and he was telling me my baby was not going to make it. I had little hope at this point and I was starting to grieve my loss.

They sent me back to the little room that I was in originally for the nurses to talk to me. A nurse came in and handed me a sterile cup. Like the kind that they give you to pee in. She told me "when your baby passes, I need you to pick up any tissue and put it in this cup and bring it back so we can test it." That woman told me basically that my baby was going to die and when he did I needed to put him in a cup and give him to the hospital! I was hysterical inside. I did not let my emotions show on the outside but inside I was breaking down by the second. She told me there was no need for me to be on bed rest and that I could even walk to work because my baby was going to die no matter what I did. Looking back on this... I do not know how I even dealt with that. I know she was just doing her job but the way she put it seemed so cold.

My sister and I then went home. I took the next day off of work because I was exhausted from all that had happened that night. I scheduled an appointment to go see an OB at my local Health Department because I did not have health insurance. The bleeding slowed down but did not stop. I kept bleeding day after day, some days worst than others. There was no cramping or other symptoms at all just bleeding. I was very sad as I waited to miscarry my baby. As the days went by I got more and more hope that my baby would survive. The nurse told me my baby would likely pass in 3-5 days. After 7 days went by and I still had no signs of a miscarriage (other than the bleeding) I was quite hopeful. I was praying and praying that God would save and heal my baby. Everyday all day all I thought about and prayed about was for the health of my baby.

I went to the my first OB appointment about a week after getting out of the hospital. They did some tests and looked at the hospital records. They too were saying that I was having a miscarriage. The nurse told me that I was a special case where it was taking longer for my body to miscarry. She said for now all they were going to do was monitor my HCG levels to make sure they were going "down". When you are miscarrying they go down instead of up. If they go up during a miscarriage there is a problem.

Another week went by and I went back to the doctor. They took my HCG levels again and they went up not down but they only went up a little bit. So they decided to tell me to come back for another HCG level test in two long weeks.

After two weeks of waiting and waiting and not know if my baby was okay all the while still bleeding, I went back to the doctor and got another test. My levels went up a good amount this time! So they ordered me to go take an ultrasound to see if my baby was still alive.

A week later I went to the ultrasound. This was FIVE weeks after I had the ultrasound in the hospital. For five long weeks I waited and waited and prayed and prayed and did not know if my baby was okay. The not knowing was the worst part. It was like I could not grieve nor be happy because I did not know what was going on. My mind was in limbo. I was so upset but so hopeful. I felt as though God was telling me that my baby was going to be okay and not to worry but I was still worried.

Once in the ultrasound room I was laying on the table. It was FREEZING in there! My whole body was sharing violently I was so nervous and so cold. The doctor was talking to me asking me lots of questions and getting ready for the ultrasound. Once she put the trans-vaginal ultrasound thing in a picture came up on the screen.The doctor said to me "You stopped shaking!". I was in awe. There on the screen I could see my precious baby. She didn't even have to tell me he was there. I could recognize his little bean shaped body and I was SO relieved. She then let me hear the heartbeat. This was just absolutely amazing for me. Five long weeks of waiting and it was worth it. I asked her about the baby and she said he appeared to be 100% healthy! He also had moved. My baby's sac was no longer by my tube, he was now in the very center of my uterus. Something that is unexplainable. It was a miracle. God gave me a miracle. He answered my prayers and healed my baby.

I remember walking out of that office holding the pictures of my baby proudly where everyone could see them with a huge smile on my face. I was so happy and so thrilled that my baby was okay. I was also so very amazed by the miracle that I had witnessed.

In the following days I looked at those pictures over and over and over again. My baby was my whole life and my whole world all ready and I was only 8.5 weeks pregnant, and he still is today. I continued to bleed for four more weeks. It stopped when I was about 13 weeks. The doctors still do not know the cause of the bleeding. The rest of the pregnancy went by with out a single bump in the road.

Doctor after doctor told me there was no hope and that my baby was going to die. Today my sweet boy is 2 months old and completely healthy and he is living proof that God CAN and DOES heal people and miracles really do happen.

Full Intro

Let me start off by saying this is probably my fifth attempt to start a blog. I always get really exited about creating a blog and then back down and decide not to do it. There are several reasons that I have backed down from the blogs I have created in the past, the main one is, I was scared that that no one would want to read my blog because I thought I was no good at it. I now have a new outlook on the whole blogging thing: I am making this blog for me, if people read it, cool, and if they do not... well that's okay too. I just feel that I need to have something to channel my thoughts and creativity with. A lot of people use other sites such as Facebook to post their thoughts, but personally I am not so sure I want all my personal friends to know what is going on in my life and how I feel about it. I am a very shy and reserved person and I do not tend to share the way I feel or the events of my life with more than a handful of people. With that said, lets get to the intro!

The Past:

I have had a very long and winding road to get to where I am now. Some of the stuff that I have gone through, nobody even knows about. There are things that I have experienced that are so dark that I have not told a single soul about them. In this blog I will leak little bits of my past into my posts, I will not be making a large post containing my past experiences because I feel like the past, is not nearly as important as the present. For now I will let everyone know my basic history, what made me who I am today.

My name is Rose and I was born in Orlando, Florida to two parents who were happily together at the time (from what I understand), and an older sister. My mother was American and my father Libyan. When I was around 2 years old my mother and father got a divorce. I never heard both sides of the story, only what my father told me. He has told me that my mother left me, my sister, and himself. That she wanted absolutely nothing to do with us and has not tried to contact us, have a relationship with us, or be a part of our life what so ever. It is possible that this is not true, but I don't think I will ever know until I have the chance to talk to my mother and ask her for myself. This event had a HUGE impact on my life. I am not sure what all that impact entailed but I know it was there and it was big. One thing I specifically remember about this is: after my parents had divorced and I was a small child maybe three years old, my father was a truck driver, so he would leave my sister and I with some of his friends while he went on week long trips for work. I remember I had a Ken doll from a Barbie set, and I used to clutch it in my hands and scream and cry for hours every time he left, because I was so scared he was never going to come back just like my mother, to this day I still remember that vivid fear that plagued me. And to this day, I still have not shared a single encounter or word with my mother.

When I was 6 years old my father got married to a woman from Morocco. And when I was 8 years old they had a baby together and I was officially a big sister. My younger sister and I have had a damaged relationship since she was 2 years old, due to a lot of events that took place involving false accusations and her mother. My sister's mother and I do not see eye to eye and we probably never will. I am not going to go into what all happened in this part of my childhood, but maybe someday it will come a time that I would like to open up share my full story with the world.

In 2007 when I was 15 years old I met another teen my age on a social media site. His name was Zack. Not only did I fall head over heals for Zack but I was also very desperate to escape from the abusive environment I was living in. I think the fact that I was looking for an out and looking for one as fast as possible contributed to my falling for this young man. Me and Zack were like nothing I have ever experienced before in my whole life. I have never felt the way he made me feel. We were in love. I still do believe to this day that what we had was nothing short of true love. My father did not approve of us being together, so just like Romeo and Juliet, we had to fight everyday to be together. We had to sneak around, lie, run, run, run, and finally hide. One day, we decided enough was enough and we stopped running from him, and we hid. I was placed on National Missing Persons List for over 8 months and forced to drop out of high school due to the fear of being caught. There came a day when we came out of our shell and decided we had been hiding long enough, and we told my father where I was. I remained there and he did not pursue me. We then began to live our life together.

I realized over the next year that Zack was not the person that I had thought that he was. His true colors came out. I thought he was a very gentle, kind, giving, and loving person. He turned out to be a very angry person with a very serious drug addiction and violence problem. He was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and multiple personally disorder. As time went on our relationship crumbled and he changed more and more everyday. He became very abusive and was not at all the man I had once fell in love with. I was now living in a hell that was worst than the one I had run away from. Still even knowing that, I refused to go back to my father and his wife and I roughed it out and stayed with Zack for four whole years.

The second year that Zack and I were together when I was just 17 years old, I gave birth to our son Seth. Seth was born into the middle of a war between Zack and I. I was now, 17 years old, with a baby, no house, no high school diploma, and no support other than my abusive boyfriend. I had a very hard time bonding with Seth, in fact I do not think a bond ever occurred to this day. I think that there are many factors that went into that. Some of them being, I never had a mother figure in my life to show me what a motherly bond was, and I also had Zack throwing anger fits and being strung out of drugs all the time to deal with.

When Seth was only 3 months old, Zack's mother took him from us, declaring him her child. Stating that I was just a vessel to carry him. This event in my life is a very long and drawn out story and one day I will go into detail on that but for now we are going to leave it at that. Shortly after, Seth was taken from us Zack and I moved out of his mothers house, and into our own place, where we remained until I was 19 years old. We had a very rocky relationship that ended on March 17, 2011. At this point, with Zack out of my life I started to fight for custody of my son.

On January 31, 2012 we had our final hearing in court for the custody of my son. The verdict: I lost. The judge granted custody to Zack's mother, the woman who stole my son from me and claimed him as her own. To this day I have not seen my son or talked to anyone in that family since the day the I lost custody.

The Present:

Currently I am 21 years old and I am in a relationship with a wonderful man named Anthony. We are expecting our first child together (a boy) on January 7, 2013. I now have my own apartment, a job, a high-school diploma, some college education, and even a dog! I do not think that my life has ever been so great as it is now. Anthony and I have had our trials, but I do truly love him and have hopes of being with him everyday for the rest of my life. There is not a single thing that man could do that I would find unforgivable. When I get upset with him, I just look at him and every ounce of anger just melts away with one glance. He is the love of my life and I thank God for every moment that we are able to share together, as I know that not everything last forever even when we wish that it would.

The Future:

My hopes for the future are probably like a lot of other people's hopes. I want to have a beautiful family, with Anthony, our son, and our dog Charlie. I wish to one day have a nice house with a white picket fence and everything, and maybe even some more kids down the road. I wish to get a degree in college and either make enough money to support my family, or for Anthony to be able to make enough money to support us. While these are long term goals, for now the only thing that I am hoping for is a safe delivery of my son as well as nothing to interfere with our bonding process and for a very strong bond to be created not only between my son and I but between my son and his father as well. I have recovered a lot from what I have been through but I do believe I still have a long way to go and a very rocky road ahead. For now I am reaching for rainbows and hoping for the best in life, and if I do not get it... well then I will just keep trying until I do.

About Me:

Now for a little about me. Hmmmm, what is there to say about me? Well, lets start off with some of the things I love. I love: animals particularly whales and bears, trains, spider-man, anything colorful, candy (sour is my favorite), cupcakes, the color yellow, cats, my dachshund Charlie, art, crafts, creating new things, cooking new things, trying new things, games (I am into girl/kids games while Anthony is into MAN games), hot weather, eBay.com, Etsy.com, anything novelty, decorating stuff, making fun shaped food, watching Netflix, and cuddling with Anthony and our doggie. There are several things that I am not too fond of such as drugs and bugs, but I do not feel like going into the things I dislike because it is so much more fun to talk about the good stuff! I am a very shy person and I do suffer from extreme social anxiety. While you may not be able to tell because this because this is a blog and I have no problem talking to others over the computer, I can not handle talking to new people or people I do not know face to face, it causes real problems for me. I am very much into children's stuff, like games, museums, toys, and books. I think this may be because I missed out on just about everything fun as a child. I am a true kid at heart. I can count the amount of people that I trust on one hand. I used to love texting and now I hate it. I am very into photography and I am going to soon start to pursue that as a hobby and see where it goes. I will be posting my pictures of coarse. Sometimes I get into very sad moods where I am completely depressed for absolutely no reason at all and there are few things that can bring me out of these moods, but I do always bounce back to my regular self, which is very upbeat and happy (all though you wouldn't know it unless you were Anthony or my older sister as I do not express my true personality to anyone else due to my anxiety).  I do not have any friends, I have MANY acquaintances and people that would call me their friends, but I can not say that I have any true friends that are always there for me or that even call me. This upsets me at times, but at other times I am thankful for this as it helps to eliminate the drama that lots of people my age tend to have. I do hope to one day go on and create "family friends" with other families, that sounds really fun. If you have any questions about me or anything else for that matter please feel free to email me at anytime. :]

That sums up my intro. I hope you all enjoy reading my blog, I'm definitely glad you're here!