Dear Amina,
I just started thinking about you randomly because mother's day is coming up this weekend. I was thinking about how my father may try and persuade me to call you and wish you a happy mother's day... and I thought to myself what I would say to him if he should call. My thoughts went a little something like this: "A true mother would not accuse her daughter of bogus crimes everyday for 10 years straight.... a true mother would not abuse and beat her daughter everyday for 10 years for committing those imaginary bogus crimes.... a true mother would not tell her daughter she was going to kill her... a true mother would not treat her daughter like a criminal on death row." Now of coarse I am not going to say these things to my father because it will just make him want to fight with me and cause problems. But I will NOT acknowledge you as my mother and I will not be wishing you any happy anythings! I realized something today. I do NOT forgive you for what you did to me. For what you put me through for those 10 years. You destroyed me as a human being. You took a giant chunk of me and you ruined it. You stomped on my personality. You KILLED me! Because of you I am very much unable to be myself unless I am around those I am 100% comfortable with and at this point that is only my boyfriend and my son. I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I know I am wrong for not forgiving you! I know I HAVE to forgive you and I am working on that but it is just so very hard. I would be lying if I said I forgive you. So here I am telling the truth. I DO NOT FORGIVE YOU. I do not wish to ever see or talk to you again. You are not welcome in my life or in my house and my son will have nothing to do with you. If I can help it he will never even know you existed. It is clear that you will never come to acknowledge the fact that you were and are wrong for thinking I did those things and until that happens, I am sorry but I can not have a single thing to do with you. I will never again feed your bogus fantasies. I do not wish anything ill upon you. I hope you have a very pleasant life that does not include me or my family. This is goodbye. If you attempt to talk to me in the future I will try very hard to hang up but more than likely will not have the courage to do so, so I will talk to you for a few minutes and kill the conversation as FAST as humanly possible. Have a nice life.
"Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true." -Lyman Frank Baum
Showing posts with label letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letters. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
A Letter to my Stepmother
Dear Amina,
I have no clue where to begin this letter. To be honest... there is nothing on this planet that I would like to say to you. I went into writing this letter thinking about all the things I want closure on... but as I sit here and actually type this I realize that there is nothing in the world that I could say to you that would make you realize how badly you hurt me. How you stole my childhood away from me. How you made me think that I was a worthless liar. How you made me doubt my own sanity. The things you did to me... well I don't even know what to say. Maybe in a few months or years I will be ready to write this letter. But not now. For now, you are still Amina, my stepmother. Nothing more. I refuse to talk to you even though Sunday was your birthday and my father told me I should... because talking to you for the first time in almost a year and a half would almost be like saying "ok you were right"... but you were not. You were never right. You are wrong and I am taking a stand. I forgive you but I can not let you be a part of me, or my family until you say you are sorry and acknowledge to me that you realize that all those 10 years you were wrong. I have taken 10 years of your abuse for bogus things that I. NEVER. DID. And I will NEVER confess to crimes I did not commit.
So go ahead. Any day now... my door is open. Come on by and tell me that you realize that you were wrong and I never committed those horrendous acts of violence... and then maybe I will let you into my life. Until then, I am sorry but I can not speak with you or have anything to do with you.
I have no clue where to begin this letter. To be honest... there is nothing on this planet that I would like to say to you. I went into writing this letter thinking about all the things I want closure on... but as I sit here and actually type this I realize that there is nothing in the world that I could say to you that would make you realize how badly you hurt me. How you stole my childhood away from me. How you made me think that I was a worthless liar. How you made me doubt my own sanity. The things you did to me... well I don't even know what to say. Maybe in a few months or years I will be ready to write this letter. But not now. For now, you are still Amina, my stepmother. Nothing more. I refuse to talk to you even though Sunday was your birthday and my father told me I should... because talking to you for the first time in almost a year and a half would almost be like saying "ok you were right"... but you were not. You were never right. You are wrong and I am taking a stand. I forgive you but I can not let you be a part of me, or my family until you say you are sorry and acknowledge to me that you realize that all those 10 years you were wrong. I have taken 10 years of your abuse for bogus things that I. NEVER. DID. And I will NEVER confess to crimes I did not commit.
So go ahead. Any day now... my door is open. Come on by and tell me that you realize that you were wrong and I never committed those horrendous acts of violence... and then maybe I will let you into my life. Until then, I am sorry but I can not speak with you or have anything to do with you.
A Letter to my Father
Dear Anwar,
We spoke on the phone last Friday, you and I. You told me that Amina was working in the cafeteria at my job site temporarily for a few days this week and that I should go on down there during lunch time and say hello and wish her a happy birthday because her birthday was last Sunday. I told you I would think about it. I have thought about it... and I have decided that I will absolutely do no such thing!
I know you want your picture perfect little family with your wife and three daughters and their husbands and kids and what not, but I am sorry to say that is not going to happen. You can have your family, but I will not be a part of anything having to do with your wife.
I know you want to be a part of Bear's life and I am not stopping you, but you're gonna have to be a part of his life at my house because I will not go to yours. Amina is not my family, she is simply your wife and my sister's mother and Bear is not her family. After she did what she did to me... she has no right to even think that I would consider her my family. I know she really wants to see Bear, but really Bear has nothing to do with her. I am sorry it has to be this way but it does.
I refuse to talk to her until she approaches me and tells me she is sorry and admits that she was wrong all those years. That for ten years she accused me of something I did not do. Everyday, over and over and over again. That for ten years she punished me for crimes I never committed. I can not talk to or be around a lady who thinks that I am capable of such acts and I absolutely refuse to do so.
Once again. I am sorry it has to be this way. It is not your fault. I am just trying to protect myself and my family.
We spoke on the phone last Friday, you and I. You told me that Amina was working in the cafeteria at my job site temporarily for a few days this week and that I should go on down there during lunch time and say hello and wish her a happy birthday because her birthday was last Sunday. I told you I would think about it. I have thought about it... and I have decided that I will absolutely do no such thing!
I know you want your picture perfect little family with your wife and three daughters and their husbands and kids and what not, but I am sorry to say that is not going to happen. You can have your family, but I will not be a part of anything having to do with your wife.
I know you want to be a part of Bear's life and I am not stopping you, but you're gonna have to be a part of his life at my house because I will not go to yours. Amina is not my family, she is simply your wife and my sister's mother and Bear is not her family. After she did what she did to me... she has no right to even think that I would consider her my family. I know she really wants to see Bear, but really Bear has nothing to do with her. I am sorry it has to be this way but it does.
I refuse to talk to her until she approaches me and tells me she is sorry and admits that she was wrong all those years. That for ten years she accused me of something I did not do. Everyday, over and over and over again. That for ten years she punished me for crimes I never committed. I can not talk to or be around a lady who thinks that I am capable of such acts and I absolutely refuse to do so.
Once again. I am sorry it has to be this way. It is not your fault. I am just trying to protect myself and my family.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Letters to my Long Lost Friends (Elementary School)
Ever wonder what happened to your long lost friends? This is something I think about all the time. Currently I do not have any friends, I have LOTS of acquaintances but no friends. This kind of upsets me at times but not really, as I barely have time to watch TV now a days let alone hang out with friends.
Letters to my long lost friends:
Elizabeth:
You were my first friend! We met when we were just 6 years old. I have many fond memories with you like, all the fun crafts we did, our crazy sleepovers, swimming in your little pool, and even going to Disney. I remember we used to fight over the stupidest of things like who's shoes were cleaner lol. I suppose this was because we spent way too much time together, but the fights never seemed to keep us apart. We always made up and were playing outside again in a few hours. It really does suck that you moved so far away, we had such a strong friendship. We even managed to get pregnant together when we were 17! I thought this would bring us closer having a baby at the same time, but it didn't we were still very distant only talking once in a blue moon on Myspace. Your daughter is now 3 and I have only ever met her two times and your second daughter is almost one and I have yet to meet her at all! It is crazy how best friends can just simply grow apart like this. We finally started talking again when I saw on Facebook that you had started a blog. I thought that maybe we could be blogging pals! You even called me after reading my blog. We talked for like an hour than you had to go. We then did not talk for about a month not sure why that happened, I guess life just got in the way. We now talk again through text and I read your blog on a daily basis and sometimes even post comments. I see that you are going through a lot and I am sorry you have to go through those things, I wish you the best of luck. Maybe one day we will move closer together where we can re-kindle our friendship. You really were the best friend I ever had, I never did achieve a friendship with anyone else that was as strong as the friendship that we shared.
Kinsey:
I met you when I was about 8 years old! I remember standing outside and you rode your super cool bike down the road right in front of me. I wondered to myself "Who is that and why don't I know her?" the rest is history! We had a lot of fun together you, Elizabeth, and I. The three of us were never close as a group because we always seemed to get along better when it was just two people rather than three. I remember we had so much fun jumping on your trampoline, playing in your tree house, and swimming in your pool! We even had fun giving your pet turtle a bath. I always thought your house was so cool and was super jealous of all the fun stuff you had. I don't know what happened to us, it's like one day you just vanished. You were there and we were friends and then you were not, it was very odd. I think you moved in with your dad but I never got the details straight. Later on we did attend the same high school but never met up once or even talked. I know you became a varsity cheerleader... and me well I became nothing, so I guess we grew up to have clashing lifestyles. It did not surprise me when I found out you were a cheerleader, you were always super pretty and into those kinds of things. I was scared to talk to you to be honest because I felt like you would think you were superior to me. I found you on Face Book a few years after we had graduated high school. We chatted some and said we should hang out like old times but that never happened, in fact that was the only time we chatted as well. We remain Face Book friends today but we do not talk. It's almost as if we were never friends and our memories are forgotten.
Jessica:
We met when we were in 1st grade! So around 6-7 years old. I remember you were in my class and we walked home from school together on some days. We had lots of fun playing outside in the Florida sun, riding bikes, building ramps, making slip and slides because our parents would never buy one, and playing with many different litters of kittens.We were very fond of each other but one day you just moved away as well. It wasn't long after we met maybe 6 months later? The little memories that I do have of us are very sweet, I wish we would have made more. I later found you on Face Book as well. Like Kinsey we said we should hang out like old times but never did and then didn't seem to talk anymore after that. It's strange how this happens so much, maybe people just don't want to hang out with me but they say they do? Or maybe their life is too busy. We are still friends on Face Book, I read your posts all the time but never comment on them, I am not much of a commenter though. You have a daughter now too that is a little younger than Seth, and she looks just like you when you were a little girl! It is crazy seeing pictures of her. I would like to talk to you more and be friends and maybe even hang out? Who knows where that could go.
Casey:
You were more of my sister's friend because you were older than me, but we were still friends never the less. I met you at around 8 as well I believe. Your grandmother (Granny Smith as we called her) lived down the road from me and we would hang out when you visited her house. We had fun watching movies, exploring the neighborhood, going to the park to try and fish, going to your moms house and playing in the woods, and just hanging out in general. It always seems like we were getting into trouble with you, like that one time you broke your arm at the park, and the time I got stuck in the baby stroller in the middle of the road, and the time that we you, my sister, and I all got lice together. I don't know what it was, we just seemed accident prone while together. Never the less, we did have a bunch of fun. I don't know what ever happened to you either, like much of my other friends, one day you were just gone. I have not seen you or talked to you since I was about 10 years old. Maybe I will look you up and try to get back in contact over the great Face Book, and maybe we won't be so accident prone now that we are grown lol.
Kaleigh:
We met when we were 9 years old in the 2nd grade! You were my best friend in second grade. We hung out outside of school sometimes, I know we went to a few sleep overs together and birthday parties, we even saw a parade together once. For the most part though, you were my in school friend. We hung out at lunch, and PE, and in class of course. I really enjoyed your company and being friends with you those years that we were friends. It was nice to have a BFF by my side and not to be a lone wolf. In third grade we sort of drifted but then were in the same class again in fourth grade and we were friends again. I do not remember fifth grade but I know we went to different middle schools which pretty much ultimately caused us to completely drift apart. We did attend the same high school later on, I saw you in the courtyard but was always too shy to talk to you or make conversation. It is odd of the best of friends can turn into that... too shy to talk to each other. I was just worried you had moved on and had new best friends and would not have any interest in talking to me. I saw you in Wal-Mart one time with two of your other friends, you were super loud and kind of scared me to be honest, which is why I said hi and quickly walked away. We were basically always friends on Face Book, and yet we have never really talked. We are now pregnant together again, you with a girl expected due date is I think 2 weeks after Bear. I tried to make conversation to you about your pregnancy thinking that since we now have something in common maybe we could re-start our friendship, but you always seemed to kill the conversation just a tad bit after I started it. I suppose you aren't really interested in being friends with me all that much, which really does kind of sadden me, I really wanted a close friend that was pregnant at the same time as me.
Letters to my long lost friends:
Elizabeth:
You were my first friend! We met when we were just 6 years old. I have many fond memories with you like, all the fun crafts we did, our crazy sleepovers, swimming in your little pool, and even going to Disney. I remember we used to fight over the stupidest of things like who's shoes were cleaner lol. I suppose this was because we spent way too much time together, but the fights never seemed to keep us apart. We always made up and were playing outside again in a few hours. It really does suck that you moved so far away, we had such a strong friendship. We even managed to get pregnant together when we were 17! I thought this would bring us closer having a baby at the same time, but it didn't we were still very distant only talking once in a blue moon on Myspace. Your daughter is now 3 and I have only ever met her two times and your second daughter is almost one and I have yet to meet her at all! It is crazy how best friends can just simply grow apart like this. We finally started talking again when I saw on Facebook that you had started a blog. I thought that maybe we could be blogging pals! You even called me after reading my blog. We talked for like an hour than you had to go. We then did not talk for about a month not sure why that happened, I guess life just got in the way. We now talk again through text and I read your blog on a daily basis and sometimes even post comments. I see that you are going through a lot and I am sorry you have to go through those things, I wish you the best of luck. Maybe one day we will move closer together where we can re-kindle our friendship. You really were the best friend I ever had, I never did achieve a friendship with anyone else that was as strong as the friendship that we shared.
Kinsey:
I met you when I was about 8 years old! I remember standing outside and you rode your super cool bike down the road right in front of me. I wondered to myself "Who is that and why don't I know her?" the rest is history! We had a lot of fun together you, Elizabeth, and I. The three of us were never close as a group because we always seemed to get along better when it was just two people rather than three. I remember we had so much fun jumping on your trampoline, playing in your tree house, and swimming in your pool! We even had fun giving your pet turtle a bath. I always thought your house was so cool and was super jealous of all the fun stuff you had. I don't know what happened to us, it's like one day you just vanished. You were there and we were friends and then you were not, it was very odd. I think you moved in with your dad but I never got the details straight. Later on we did attend the same high school but never met up once or even talked. I know you became a varsity cheerleader... and me well I became nothing, so I guess we grew up to have clashing lifestyles. It did not surprise me when I found out you were a cheerleader, you were always super pretty and into those kinds of things. I was scared to talk to you to be honest because I felt like you would think you were superior to me. I found you on Face Book a few years after we had graduated high school. We chatted some and said we should hang out like old times but that never happened, in fact that was the only time we chatted as well. We remain Face Book friends today but we do not talk. It's almost as if we were never friends and our memories are forgotten.
Jessica:
We met when we were in 1st grade! So around 6-7 years old. I remember you were in my class and we walked home from school together on some days. We had lots of fun playing outside in the Florida sun, riding bikes, building ramps, making slip and slides because our parents would never buy one, and playing with many different litters of kittens.We were very fond of each other but one day you just moved away as well. It wasn't long after we met maybe 6 months later? The little memories that I do have of us are very sweet, I wish we would have made more. I later found you on Face Book as well. Like Kinsey we said we should hang out like old times but never did and then didn't seem to talk anymore after that. It's strange how this happens so much, maybe people just don't want to hang out with me but they say they do? Or maybe their life is too busy. We are still friends on Face Book, I read your posts all the time but never comment on them, I am not much of a commenter though. You have a daughter now too that is a little younger than Seth, and she looks just like you when you were a little girl! It is crazy seeing pictures of her. I would like to talk to you more and be friends and maybe even hang out? Who knows where that could go.
Casey:
You were more of my sister's friend because you were older than me, but we were still friends never the less. I met you at around 8 as well I believe. Your grandmother (Granny Smith as we called her) lived down the road from me and we would hang out when you visited her house. We had fun watching movies, exploring the neighborhood, going to the park to try and fish, going to your moms house and playing in the woods, and just hanging out in general. It always seems like we were getting into trouble with you, like that one time you broke your arm at the park, and the time I got stuck in the baby stroller in the middle of the road, and the time that we you, my sister, and I all got lice together. I don't know what it was, we just seemed accident prone while together. Never the less, we did have a bunch of fun. I don't know what ever happened to you either, like much of my other friends, one day you were just gone. I have not seen you or talked to you since I was about 10 years old. Maybe I will look you up and try to get back in contact over the great Face Book, and maybe we won't be so accident prone now that we are grown lol.
Kaleigh:
We met when we were 9 years old in the 2nd grade! You were my best friend in second grade. We hung out outside of school sometimes, I know we went to a few sleep overs together and birthday parties, we even saw a parade together once. For the most part though, you were my in school friend. We hung out at lunch, and PE, and in class of course. I really enjoyed your company and being friends with you those years that we were friends. It was nice to have a BFF by my side and not to be a lone wolf. In third grade we sort of drifted but then were in the same class again in fourth grade and we were friends again. I do not remember fifth grade but I know we went to different middle schools which pretty much ultimately caused us to completely drift apart. We did attend the same high school later on, I saw you in the courtyard but was always too shy to talk to you or make conversation. It is odd of the best of friends can turn into that... too shy to talk to each other. I was just worried you had moved on and had new best friends and would not have any interest in talking to me. I saw you in Wal-Mart one time with two of your other friends, you were super loud and kind of scared me to be honest, which is why I said hi and quickly walked away. We were basically always friends on Face Book, and yet we have never really talked. We are now pregnant together again, you with a girl expected due date is I think 2 weeks after Bear. I tried to make conversation to you about your pregnancy thinking that since we now have something in common maybe we could re-start our friendship, but you always seemed to kill the conversation just a tad bit after I started it. I suppose you aren't really interested in being friends with me all that much, which really does kind of sadden me, I really wanted a close friend that was pregnant at the same time as me.
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